Anonymous asked: hurts to feel were no longer bestfriends sometimes

Im sorry u feel that way…u should tell me who u are so i can make it better!

Do you talk to the moon like i do?

that was one of my happiest yet most heart breaking phone calls ever… I knew it was wrong but it felt so right…. it felt so needed. i didnt want it to end. Richard ask your parents if not talking to me is now a “new house rule.” like if its going to be until u move out or just a temporary thing… cause u know this already its killing me inside. i wanted to call u today and tell u how work went and actually i saw someone driving a car and i did a double take because i thought ur brother was driving haha he wasn’t but yea lol i wanted to call u at that moment and tell u that because i found it funny.. and i was reminded i couldnt.. which made me sad.. but i now find ways to get my mind off of it. like music or thinking of something else. to be honest im suprised i have crashed into someone yet because  i literally day dream while im driving. i think of u and ur parents and the words. They replay in my head like a video. l can’t escape it. i can’t forget about it. its so hard. Im trying to let go and forgive but it is so hard! im so bitter…. GAHH lol new word hahaha just know i love ya and calling me like u did was wrong and even though it made me happy it also made me very sad because i didnt wanna stop talking to u. i love u. i’ll see u wensday…and please like for real ask ur parents…. ( they just be messin up my weave! hahahahaha) 

I know i shouldn’t be hurting this much but i am. I literally feel my heart breaking. i feel it slowly tearing apart. i wake up my heart already in pain already anxious even though my dreams had nothing to do with it. Every time i think of your parents i feel so sick. i feel so anxious. i feel that way even seeing them. i see you online and it literally takes every ounce of energy in me not to write u. no one understands………1 day without talking to u feels like forever. i just want to be able to call u. i nearly cry everytime i leave because i know that we’ll be disconnected. i know i have God and i lean on him alot. but u were just that one person that was that kept me cool. i didnt freak out. i have no peace. i just miss u so much. i dont know how im going to handle u going away for 5 weeks. im Glad ur going and that ur going to go strengthen ur walk. im just sad when i saw ur dad wave to me on wens. i found out my true feelings about him still. im still very upset and i cant be around him or ur mom. and i if ur brother says anything to me ill go off on him so id suggest telling him not to say anything about the situation. i hold my tears in because i feel the need to be strong. i cry when im alone because i feel like no one else will understand the reason behind my tears… thursday i was nearly in tears. i love u so much. talking to u actually helps me with my anxiety. because im not holding anything in. Writing this letter actually made me feel better and a little less anxious.  i love you <3 11/7

I don’t know why u hate me to much… i dont know how u came to the conclusion im a bad influence or a hyprocite. my dad told me if its not true why even let it bother u and to be honest i dont know why it is bothering me… You wont let us talk on the phone or over facebook? im sorry i dont agree with that. i would be grateful for just 2 days a week being able for him to call me even if u only want us to talk for an hour. Thats our encouragement through out the week. You sure ain’t giving it to him and i know u ain’t. that phone call is us venting our feeling and building each other up in christ. u dont understand that. u see just us talking but do u listen to our words? cause u wouldnt be acting the way toward me if u knew. Dont say sorry to me fine but im going to say sorry to u when my heart is right. cause right now i dont looking at u it makes me upset so i dont know how i can say sorry. you gotta seriously get a reality check and stop focusing on u. Your words. r not nice and u are so high on being loving and being in christ but ur not so take the plank out of ur own eye before looking at the speck in my eye. Good that felt good to get off my chest. now i need some advil.. im going to go get some food and relax…. “take a good look at my face you’ll see my smile looks out of place and if you look closer its easy to see the track of my tears..”

How i feel right now………..

Devin Velez - Tracks of My Tears - Studio Version - Top 8 (by idolPlay)

HANNAH! Girl i just wanted to write this letter telling you how much i care about u and what u mean to me. Girl you are so beautiful and thats why guys keep breaking your heart, your so beautiful that they can’t handle how much beauty you hold. Otherwise they wouldn’t break your heart! im always there for you. You are my sister. Thats what i call you, i call you my sister. We don’t get to talk as much anymore cause i got my care but everytime i see you i get excited causing im seeing my best friend! Your so funny and i swear sometimes your like the complete package. And Girl don’t you be worrying about no boys…As long as you have me you don’t need no boys ahahaha lol but seriously dont stress about guys cause right now you should be having fun and living for God not crying over a guy! i seriously wanna drop kick this guy. Whoever makes you cry deserves to get hit a couple times….with a bat…a metal bat….with spikes! Yea…. I care about you so much girl. I love you! and i love your hugs hahaha :D we gotta hang :P 

Im alicia and im 18. 

When i was 10 my family stopped going to church. and i became of the world. I did what i wanted and when i went to middle school (now 11) i started to skip school. and that year i woke up one morning and found one side of my face completely swollen. My mom tried to take me to the dentist but none were opened so she decided to just go to our regular doctor. By the time we got there my face was even more swollen than it was before. The doc was going to send me home with antibiotics but came back and told me because of my fever he wanted me to get IV antibiotics. I went to the hospital and they got me back there very fast. I was there all day before a doctor actually saw me.  The doctor told my mom that if i came in 30 mintues later i would have died because the infection would have gone to my brain. And i stay in the hospital for 2 days.  After that day i became so scared of what could happen. My face got swollen twice after that time but none fatal not like the first time. Year by year the dentist took more teeth out. You see when i was born i was born with something that would rot out my teeth. The dentist told my mom that all my teeth would fall out by the time i was 22. So the dentist decided to take out teeth. and teeth and eventually they took out all my teeth but 4(when i was 16). I can remember the toothaches they were so intense nothing could take them away. 

When i was 12 we decided to come back to church. But i wasn’t dedicated. i just came listened and then left and went back to my old ways.

When i was 14 or 15 my grandma died and that shook my dads world upside down. He stopped going to church. he stopped reading his bible. he stopped everything he believed. Thats when my parents started to fight more and more. and thats when i knew they were getting a divorce. I hid my feelings from everyone. no one knew i was hurting. My hurting turned into anger. I grew closer to God in this time and i knew what God said about anger but the anger that i had was so powerful it felt like at times i couldn’t control it. i would get into arguements with friends and my dad. my mom buried herself at work and i felt so alone. But i knew God was there for me always. and at the do hard things conferences i accepted God into my heart and i meant it and i started to change. i felt the change inside me.  

But the sadness stayed for a while and at one point i felt depressed. for months. i would hide behind my smile and i would cry myself to sleep.even though i knew God could give me happiness it just felt like my situation could never change. But i eventually started to feel happier and happier. 

Then about a year ago i started having panic attacks. i didnt know why and it fustrated me. and it made me even more a hypochondriac. I was one before but it got worse. i looked up things and i freak out. and panic attacks would happen for no reason and i worried so much. I tried not to but i did. People would make jokes about it and i’d laugh but to me it wasnt a joke it was real. And i still struggle with that. but recently the doctor told me i was hypoglycemic and the could cause me anxiety because i would get rushes of adrenaline. So i felt at peace. I still struggle with alot of things. forgiveness, worrying, anger, sometimes sadness but knowing Gods always there for me and knowing God is only doing things for my own Good. and seeing how much i grew in him make me so much more hopeful for the future. Im never going to be perfect. but i will always be loved and forgiven.  and thats all i need. All i need is Jesus. and i’ll be alright!     

That’s Why We Praise Him w/lyrics (by isingasong)